2 Comments

One Who Got Away: Libby Phelps Alvarez, Religious Brainwashing, and the Westboro Baptist Church

We’ve all seen the signs; we’ve all heard the rhetoric of hatred: “Thank God for dead soldiers,” “Soldiers die; God laughs.”

The Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas remains America’s best-known and least-120577462BT001_understood cult. Founded by Pastor Fred Phelps, the rural church believes that the deaths of soldiers and Marines evidences God’s righteous judgment on a land which tolerates homosexuality. Such venom seems to beggar description.

But some people do understand the shadowy cult with its cheerfully-pronounced invective: The few members who have left.

Libby Phelps Alvarez’s Story

The Today Show recently interviewed Libby Phelps Alvarez, granddaughter of Fred Phelps. Alvarez secretly left the cult four years ago.

In a tearful interview with NBC’s Andrea Canning, Alvarez recounts how the church eventually started to pray for people to die. Born into the church, Alvarez began picketing military funerals with fellow church members when she was 8 years old. For 25 years she remained trapped in the cult, a victim of religious brainwashing which taught her that she “wasn’t brainwashed.” Alvarez quietly left the cult after the church picketed the funeral of a soldier. The soldier was the husband of one of Alvarez’s best friends.

Libby Phelps Alvarez explains on the Today Show how she left the Westboro Baptist Church

Libby Phelps Alvarez explains on the Today Show how she left the Westboro Baptist Church

Alvarez gathered her belongings and left the church without a word to her family members. Since then, she worries about the hurt she has caused her family, but one relative told her that no one thinks about her or misses her. Alvarez rejoices in her new-found freedom even as she regrets the hurt she caused others–both to those inside the church and those outside.

Religious Brainwashing

How could someone as pleasant, soft-spoken, and sensitive as Alvarez be involved in a church which promotes such hatred? The only explanation is that she was born into a totalitarian religious environment which practiced brainwashing in order to keep members from leaving.

The eight steps of religious brainwashing, as outlined by Dr. Robert Jay Lifton–adapted by Stephen Martin–and summarized in previous posts on this blog, help explain how a sweet-natured girl like Alvarez could spew religious hatred and damnation. They are as follow:

  1. Milieu Control – The church controls the environment and information access of members, thereby controlling their minds.
  2. Mystical Manipulation – The church leader manipulates circumstances or information to create a sense of awe around himself or herself.
  3. The Demand for Purity – The cult leader demands total commitment, a narrow life of rigid devotion, and promotes an environment of shame and guilt.
  4. The Cult of Confession – Totalitarian religious leaders demand that their followers continually confess their sins publicly in order to shame, degrade, and humiliate them. This keeps followers dependent on the cult leader for cosmic absolution.
  5. The “Sacred Science” – Unhealthy religious groups maintain an aura of perfection and sacredness around their teachings and leader. No one is allowed to question the leader or the doctrines he or she promotes.
  6. Loading the Language – Cults impose thought-suppression by calling critical thinking “sin” and saying that anyone who questions the leader has attitudinal sins or is in “rebellion.”
  7. Doctrine Over Person – The group leader puts his or her interpretation of scripture over the needs of the people under their care. This leads to an ascetic lifestyle which results in spiritual, emotional, sexual, or physical abuse. Often all four together.
  8. The Dispensing of Existence – Cult leaders such as Fred Phelps say that people who do not subscribe to the doctrines of their group are not worthy of life. This sub-speciation makes it plausible, even “righteous” to jeer at the deaths of outsiders. Hence the picketing at the funerals of soldiers and Marines.

We can rejoice that Libby Phelps Alvarez escaped from Westboro Baptist Church. As a former member of a Bible cult church myself, I have great compassion for her. I can remember my own deception and shake my head sadly. But we also must be vigilant to understand how someone as sweet as Alvarez could remain in such a hateful church.

Does God laugh when soldiers die? Of course not.

But he also doesn’t write off members of the Westboro Baptist Church as hopeless–instead, he delivers some of them from their brainwashed state and redeems their lives.

Help prevent spiritual abuse in your church by understanding the eight steps of religious brainwashing.

Related Post: Why People in Cults Don’t Think They’re in Cults

4 Comments

Rachel Held Evans and the Scandal of the Evangelical Heart

Sometimes I encounter a blog post so compelling, it stops me in my tracks.

The other night I couldn’t sleep. Wind shrieked outside as a cold front clawed through Columbus. I padded downstairs over thick carpet and curled on the couch beneath my blue blanket.

Cozy.

I drank a cup of blueberry coffee and turned on my iPad. What is Rachel Held Evans up to these days? I wondered. I’ve only ever read a couple of her posts, but she always has a way of provoking me to think.

She entitled one of her recent posts “The Scandal of the Evangelical Heart,” a play on the book The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind by Mark A. Noll.

The post honestly addressed some of Rachel’s struggles with doubt, including her inability rachel-held-evans-the-scandal-of-the-evangelical-heartto understand God-ordained genocide in the Old Testament. It received over 500 comments from people who agreed, disagreed, or were flat-out scandalized by Ms. Evans’s new-found comfort with embracing tension and mystery.

Here are some of my favorite parts of her post:

“For what makes the Church any different from a cult if it demands we sacrifice our conscience in exchange for unquestioned allegiance to authority?”

Rachel goes on to say that Christians must not only exercise intellectual integrity, but also emotional integrity. To disconnect our emotions from our minds is to create a sub-human, sociopathic monster. (As a person who grew up in a cerebrally-oriented Bible cult, I can testify to the dangers of living a life unbalanced by honest emotion.)

Rachel says of this emotional-intellectual disconnect:

“Richard Beck has also observed this phenomenon and refers to it as ‘orthodox alexithymia’:

When theology and doctrine become separated from emotion we end up with something dysfunctional and even monstrous.

A theology or doctrinal system that has become decoupled from emotion is going to look emotionally stunted and even inhuman.  What I’m describing here might be captured by the tag “orthodox alexithymia.” By “orthodox” I mean the intellectual pursuit of right belief. And by “alexithymia” I mean someone who is, theologically speaking, emotionally and socially deaf and dumb. Even theologically sociopathic.

Alexithymia–etymologically “without words for emotions”–is a symptom characteristic of individuals who have difficulty understanding their own and others’ emotions. You can think of alexithymia as being the opposite of what is called emotional intelligence.

Orthodox alexithymia is produced when the intellectual facets of Christian theology, in the pursuit of correct and right belief, become decoupled from emotion, empathy, and fellow-feeling. Orthodox alexithymics are like patients with ventromedial prefrontal cortex brain damage. Their reasoning may be sophisticated and internally consistent but it is disconnected from human emotion. And without Christ-shaped caring to guide the chain of calculation we wind up with the theological equivalent of preferring to scratch a doctrinal finger over preventing destruction of the whole world. Logically and doctrinally such preferences can be justified. They are not “contrary to reason.” But they are inhuman and monstrous. Emotion, not reason, is what has gone missing.” Read the entire post.

Rachel says: “It’s not enough for me to maintain my intellectual integrity as a Christian; I also want to maintain my emotional integrity as a Christian. And I don’t need answers to all of my questions to do that. I need only the courage to be honest about my questions and doubts, and the patience to keep exploring and trusting in spite of them.

“The bravest decision I’ll ever make is the decision to follow Jesus with both my head and heart engaged—no checking out, no pretending.”

Amen!

As Professor Michael J. Svigel of Dallas Seminary recently tweeted: “Orthodoxy often involves holding several paradoxical truths in excruciating tension. Heresy always relieves the tension.”

Let’s think hard, love well, and be okay with a little bit of tension and doubt. Christ calls us neither to sacrifice the integrity of our mind nor our heart as we follow him.

*For anyone interested in an evangelical book which deals with the genocide issue in the Old Testament, I highly recommend Show Them No Mercy, in the Zondervan Counterpoints Series. You can locate it here. I read this book during my first year at seminary, then wrote a summary of it. If you want a detailed 25-page summary instead of reading the whole book, click on my paper: Show Them No Mercy Summary by Stephen Smith. As I look back at my conclusion in the spring of 2009, I realize that I disliked the emotional tension that the topic presented, so I opted for an intellectual solution. I’d nuance it different today.

2 Comments

The Golden Ooze

On a hot July day in an otherwise chilly Maine summer I drove to Pineland Farms in New Gloucester to buy ice cream. The country store also sold raw honeycomb in plastic tubs the size of a grapefruit. Raw honeycomb? Sweet gooey yumminess? I couldn’t resist.

Dutch Warmblood Horses at Pineland Farms in New Gloucester, Maine. Photo by the author.

Dutch Warmblood Horses at Pineland Farms in New Gloucester, Maine. Photo by the author.

Sitting in my light green Taurus overlooking the rolling meadows and thick pine forests of New Gloucester, I unwound the strip of packing tape that cemented the two honey hemispheres together. Twisting my wrist slightly, I popped off one side of the dish and stared at the pale yellow film that coated the individual hexagonal cells. I had heard somewhere that hexagons are both structurally sturdy and offer the greatest economy of space.

Problem: How could I excavate the sweet honey goodness locked within those sturdy walls?

With more enthusiasm than skill I grabbed my little white plastic spoon and took a stab at the top of the film. Cu-thud! Nothing happened. Hmm. Try a different angle. Ca-thwump! My plastic spoon shivered from the impact.

This was going to take more effort than I anticipated.

Throwing dignity to the wind I dug down with my spoon and shoved forcefully across the plane of the honeycomb. Cu-thump-cu-thump-cu-thumpity-thump! My spoon encountered each hexagonal cell and broke through the surprisingly solid walls. Honey oozed from the jagged rift I created in the comb.

God works that way, too.

Our inner lives are like a honeycomb.

Our inner lives are like a honeycomb.

My whole inner life is a honeycomb. I am a complex person full of sealed cells and defense mechanisms, surprisingly strong in my resistance to being opened. I have been hurt—who hasn’t?—and have locked away much of that pain in tiny, airtight cells. I have also hurt others—who hasn’t?—and the shame and guilt from those offenses lingers in dark pockets in my soul. But God wants to work in my life through the pain and pressure of circumstances and relationships to break down my inner dividedness and make me whole.

Just this morning, my wife and I sat at our kitchen table for a breakfast of gingerbread waffles and orange juice. Snow flickered outside with flakes still clicking down. A good day. I poured maple syrup as my wife asked me pointed questions about an area of my life in which I have yet to heal. A complex area where I suffered, but where I must also seek another person’s forgiveness–too shameful to mention here.

I tried to approach the topic academically; she, spiritually. I glowered. Resisted. Gave her a sour look. But in the end, she was right, and her words broke through a cell of hurt where I still needed to experience God’s grace.

Ouch. But ah!

Sure, the process of excavating past hurts might prove painful, but God’s grace will ooze like honey from my wounds. And in the end, I will find rest.

Am I willing to let God open me up like a honeycomb?

Are you willing to suffer pain in order to produce the golden ooze?

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

5 Comments

Unforgiveness: How to Staple Your Own Hand

My friend Jeff once flew bush planes in Alaska.

He gained great skill as a pilot and also learned how to service his own plane. The reasoning Alaskan Bush Planewent something like this: If Jeff’s engine ever conked out while he was flying over the remotest parts of Alaska, he’d better be able to land the plane and then get it airborne again on his own.

As a result, Jeff has a garage full of tools to work on engines: plane engines, car engines, you name it. But when it comes to wood-working, Jeff still has some lessons to learn.

Recently, Jeff bought a staple-gun which looked similar to the one his father used when Jeff was a boy. Jeff—bush pilot, mechanic, and an all-around smart guy—loaded the silver-colored gun, placed it against his project, and promptly stapled his own hand.

It turns out that the gun is built almost in reverse to the one Jeff’s father owned. It operated the opposite of Jeff’s expectations, and as a result, Jeff caused a self-inflicted wound.

Unforgiveness is like that.

Staple GunIt seems a simple tool to handle: just load my anger, depress the trigger, and staple someone else to the wall of vengeance. Simple.

But in reality unforgiveness is like Jeff’s staple-gun: every time I pull the trigger, I hurt myself.

Cult survivors—or those who have experienced spiritual abuse in their church or family—frequently struggle with unforgiveness toward the person or people who hurt them. Very natural. But if cult survivors want to move forward in obedience to God and in their own path of healing, they must learn to forgive. There it is.

I still struggle to forgive my former pastor, a man who wielded spiritual authority like a prison-guard’s baton. I’d be lying if I said anything else. Victims of spiritual abuse are captives in a twisted system which causes pain and loss. The very subtlety of the system can sometimes mask its diabolical nature and make the pain more confusing.

But I also know that the Bible says if I don’t forgive I won’t be forgiven. And I remember Jesus’ words in Luke 7:47 that “he who has been forgiven much loves much.” While time soothes some wounds, there are layers to the human soul that only forgiveness can heal—forgiveness received and forgiveness rendered.

Let me give an example.

Unbroken

I just finished a stunning book by Laura Hillenbrand called Unbroken. [*Spoiler alert*] It’s the epic story of Louie Zamperini, the long-standing National High School record-holder in the mile, an Olympic athlete (finished 8th in the 5,000-meter run in 1936), B-24 bombardier in World War II, crash-survivor, life-raft survivor (47 days in a rubber raft in the Pacific, a record), and prisoner of war of the Japanese for 2½ years.

Louie Zamperini set the national high school mile record, which lasted for 19 years. He set the NCAA mile record which lasted for 20 years. As a teenager, he placed 8th in the 5,000-meter run at the 1936 Olympics.

Louie Zamperini set the national high school mile record, which lasted for 19 years. He set the NCAA mile record which lasted for 20 years. As a teenager, he placed 8th in the 5,000-meter run at the 1936 Olympics.

During his time as a POW, besides the normal hellish torture, Louie performed slave labor and was singled out for brutal beatings because of his international stardom. He experienced the darkest depths of human depravity and it shook him to the core. Struggling after the war with unforgiveness towards a particularly sadistic guard, Louie began to drink himself into oblivion.

But alcohol couldn’t make the nightmares go away. Every night in his dreams Louie saw the same Japanese guard, nicknamed “The Bird,” beating Louie’s head with a brass belt buckle or kendo stick. Louie would try to choke the man but the Bird would never die. Every night, Louie woke up screaming, covered in sweat. His drinking grew worse and his marriage started to unravel.

Louie couldn’t help it. He drank more desperately and began to hatch a plot to deliver himself from his nightmares: he would travel to post-war Japan, hunt down The Bird, and kill him. He lavished care on his death-plot even as his marriage crumbled.

One night, Louie experienced a particularly vivid dream in which he finally got his fingers around The Bird’s throat. Louie squeezed and squeezed until The Bird started to scream. Louie suddenly snapped awake, his fingers around the throat of his wife. Instead of bringing healing, Louie’s unforgiveness was destroying his own family.

Forgiveness

In September, 1949, a man named Billy Graham stepped off a train in Los Angeles and started a tent revival. The meetings gained steam and Graham stayed for weeks. On one of those nights, Cynthia Zamperini, Louie’s heartbroken wife, attended a meeting and her life was changed. She begged Louie to come. He would not. Instead he nursed a bottle and continued plotting vengeance against The Bird.

Cynthia Zamperini

Cynthia Zamperini

Somehow, Cynthia convinced Louie to attend one meeting. Graham spoke of the woman caught in adultery, from John 8. Graham quoted Jesus: “If any of you be without sin, let him cast the first stone.” Something in Louie stirred. He left the meeting in a panic. At home, a few glasses of Scotch helped douse his burning conscience.

Cynthia dragged him back several nights later. This time, Graham spoke of the marvels of Creation which speak of their Creator. Louie squirmed. He remembered a night on the life raft so many years ago. The men’s water had run out days before. Louie had prayed for the first time in his life: “If you will save me, I will serve you forever.” That night it poured down rain. But Louie’s abuse in the POW camps made him wonder if God existed. If he does, Louie thought, he must be a sadist.

Graham next spoke of God’s promises to sustain his children. God never promises a life free from suffering, said Graham, but rather the grace to sustain us through it. Louie had never thought about that. But he knew that were it not for that night of rain on the life raft, he never would have survived at all. As Graham spoke, Louie remembered his own promise made to God: “If you will save me, I will serve you forever.” Full of anger and anxiety, Louie jumped from his seat and ran toward the exit. Instead, his body turned toward the altar and he found himself on his knees, begging forgiveness from God. His hatred for others evaporated and never returned.

Mutsuhiro Watanabe, aka "The Bird," the Japanese prison guard who most abused Louie and who Louie sought to forgive. Photo from National Archives.

Mutsuhiro Watanabe, aka “The Bird,” the Japanese prison guard who most abused Louie and who Louie sought to forgive. Photo from National Archives.

The following year, wanting to forgive his persecutors in person, Louie flew to Japan and visited the prison where his guards were housed, war criminals all. Louie recognized several of the worst prison guards sitting near the back: men who had tortured him, starved him, and smiled at his torment. The Bird was not there—he had gone into hiding and many thought he had committed suicide. Nevertheless, the prison commandant asked the other men to come forward to meet Louie.

They never reached the podium.

Instead, “Louie was seized by childlike, giddy exuberance. Before he realized what he was doing, he was bounding down the aisle. In bewilderment, the men who had abused him watched him come to them, his hands extended, a radiant smile on his face.”

To Louie, forgiving these men brought redemption and a marvelous feeling of freedom and liberty. It was a healing moment for him.

Years later, “The Bird” resurfaced from hiding after Japan offered amnesty to all war criminals. Louie found out and went to meet him, hoping to deliver a letter of forgiveness. It read in part:

As a result of my prisoner of war experience under your unwarranted and unreasonable punishment, my post-war life became a nightmare…. Under your discipline, my rights, not only as a prisoner of war but also as a human being, were stripped from me… but thanks to a confrontation with God through the evangelist Billy Graham, I committed my life to Christ. Love replaced the hate I had for you. Christ said, “Forgive your enemies and pray for them.” As you probably know, I returned to Japan… and was graciously allowed to address all the Japanese war criminals at Sugamo Prison… At that moment, like the others, I also forgave you and now would hope that you would also become a Christian.

“The Bird” refused to meet with Louie, or even to admit that he had done anything wrong. It didn’t matter. For Louie, his choice to forgive meant that his war was finally over.

He was finally free.

6 Comments

Efficiency vs. Fruitfulness: Lessons from an Apple Tree

My joy-thief struck again.

The author (left) and his brother about to cut an unsuspecting Christmas tree in North Yarmouth, Maine.

The author (left) and his brother about to cut down an unsuspecting Christmas tree in North Yarmouth, Maine.

It happened during Christmas Break. My wife and I had just moved to Columbus, Ohio from Dallas. I graduated from Dallas Seminary in December and then we visited family in Maine. As temperatures dropped and snow flew I chopped down a Christmas tree, took naps, and generally did nothing which could be mistaken for work.

The holiday break recharged my inner reserves but also made me feel inexplicably guilty. On several occasions I felt my cheeks flush for no apparent reason. Deep inside I felt a quiet, shaming pressure. The thought came unbidden: Shouldn’t I be doing something? Am I really making the most of every opportunity? (Eph 5:16).

If you’re like me, sometimes you struggle with a legalistic orientation to life. A works-based, karma-like philosophy which insists that the more you do, the better you are. That you can commend yourself to God through your actions. That to rest is wrong and to work is right. Efficiency, my savior.

Sound familiar?

Maybe this philosophy was drilled into you by a pastor who misunderstood grace. Or it was modeled by a parent whose expectations you could never satisfy. Perhaps you imbibed it from a workaholic boss with unreasonable expectations. Or maybe you have survived a cult-like religious group which emphasized huge devotion and endless activity.

Whatever the root, the result is a mechanical approach to life which steals your joy and keeps you always outside looking in at the peace of those who truly know God’s merciful character.

Paul speaks to this in the book of Galatians. In chapters 3-4 he refutes the lie that Christians can commend themselves to God through their good works or striving efforts. It is a point of interest that the word “efficient” never occurs in Scripture. Instead, the Bible uses “fruitfulness,” which Paul describes in Galatians 5. The two words involve two different realms and dissimilar orientations to time.

Efficiency

Efficiency describes the productive use of time or stuff to achieve desired results; its realm relates to machinery or performance.

A car can be “fuel efficient” and that’s a good thing. We all want our engines to run efficiently in order to minimize our pain at the pump. Or a nurse might bustle around “efficiently” at a busy hospital, dispensing medicines and maximizing her time so that more patients receive needed care. Praise God for an efficient nurse!

Efficiency is not necessarily wrong, but it is also not always right. When Jesus’ brothers AfricanMaryAndMarthasuggested a model for how he could most efficiently become a public figure, Jesus replied, “The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right” (Jn 7:6). Or take Martha and Mary. Martha was concerned about domestic efficiency, yet it was Mary’s squandering of time at the feet of Jesus which would bear eternal fruit (Luke 10:38-42). So we learn that God’s relationship to time is different than the world’s: It is organic rather than mechanical; spiritual rather than natural.

Fruitfulness

Why does the Bible avoid the term “efficient”? We can’t say for sure. Perhaps it is because a better term is used.

“Fruitfulness,” like efficiency, also means “productive,” but it relates primarily to the spiritual and personal realms which are organic rather than mechanical. Paul talks about the “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5. Fruit such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The focus is not on maximizing time or physical product but rather on cultivating spiritual character over long periods of time.

Paul chooses his metaphor carefully. Anyone who has observed a fruit tree understands that the process of bearing fruit takes a long time, and therefore it can seem anything but “efficient.” The tree always works but its work is seldom seen. What are these seldom-seen seasons of work which lead to fruitfulness? Let’s use an apple tree as our example.

Winter

An apple tree prepares for the next harvest as soon as it yields its fruit in September or snowy_apple_treeOctober. As winter descends the tree sheds its leaves and appears to die. In reality it consolidates its growth and hardens the fresh wood fibers which have sprung up during warmer months. What to outward appearance seems inefficient to the production of fruit actually creates structural integrity for the tree. Such a tree can better withstand storms and stress. Fruit comes only in its proper season from a sound specimen. The apple tree must wait patiently for winter snows to melt and cold weather to slowly warm. There is no way to hurry the process.

The work of winter is patience.

Spring

Spring, too, may seem inefficient to the production of fruit. Gnarled, bare branches look Apple Tree in Springugly before they receive their summer leaves. Rains pound down and nothing much seems to happen. Yet beneath the soil roots soak up moisture and begin to send nutrients through the entire tree. By itself the tree has nothing with which to make it grow. Yet as it draws upon the earth and the sun, leaves shoot out and apple blossoms appear. The purpose of the blossoms is to attract bees and other insects that help to pollinate the buds. Without the assistance of these little helpers the apple tree would remain a leafy but fruitless trunk.

The work of spring is dependence.

Summer

In summer the pollinated tree begins to form its first inedible fruits. It continues to draw Apple Tree in Summerupon water and sun for its photosynthetic life. As apples develop, animals and insects prey upon the newfound source of food. Still green, the unripe apples seem unfit for human consumption but provide a tempting target for worm and mold. Too much rain will soften the fruit; too much sun will shrivel its life. The tree attempts to moderate any excess and continues to pour itself into its fruit.

The work of summer is perseverance.

Fall

Autumn arrives. Apples redden and grow fat. It is time to harvest fruit but one step AppleOrchardremains before the crop can be enjoyed: There must come a killer frost to snap the bond between tree and fruit. This causes the apple tree to release its grip on the fruit. Without a frost the fruit will cloy to the branches and remain less than desirable. There must be a frost before the final harvest home.

The work of autumn is sacrifice.

None of this smacks of American efficiency as the world sees it. Yet fruitfulness is the model given to Christians from Scripture, not efficiency. It is the process of patience, dependence, perseverance and sacrifice which enables the Christian to produce a harvest of spiritual fruit. It is a process that brings peace and keeps the joy-thief at bay.

If you struggle—as I do—with secret feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness in quiet seasons of life, encourage yourself with the reminder that God desires fruitfulness, not efficiency.

“No branch can bear fruit by itself,” Jesus said. “Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me” (John 15:4). Remain patiently and obediently in Jesus, and wait for him to bring the increase from your little life.

Time with him is never wasted.

2 Comments

Love Bombing: Wax or No Wax?

“Love must be sincere.” – Romans 12:9

I can still remember watching American Marines drop grenades into a stream on a Pacific island during World War II. The black and white news footage showed shirtless, smiling Marines milling about on the bank, surrounded by palm trees and tropical plants.

“These Marines have worked up quite an appetite after clearing out the last of Love Bombing in Churchthe Jap defenders,” the announcer’s gee-whiz voice enthuses. “Just watch how American ingenuity goes to work to catch some fish!”

Three Marines stand looking at the camera, each holding a grenade and grinning broadly. On the count of three, the Marines pull the pins and throw their grenades into the water. Three silent explosions send fountains of foam boiling up. Stunned fish float to the surface and the Marines wade in to collect their dinner.

“Don’t try this at home!” the announcer booms, his voice oozing baseball and apple pie. “These boys are experts.”

Perhaps.

But did you know that cults and other unhealthy religious groups really are experts at this sort of fishing? They call it “love bombing,” or at least that’s what the experts call it.

“Love bombing” describes how cult members shower visitors with attention and affection. A visitor might enter the church building feeling lonely or depressed. Suddenly he or she is greeted by hordes of smiling, attractive people who ask them their name and ply them with dozens of questions. “Where are you from?” “Do you have family nearby?” “How can we help you?” “Would you like to stay for the fellowship meal after the service?” “Oh, you’ll just love our pastor!” “We are so glad you came!” “God is really at work in this church.”

The visitor feels overwhelmed—stunned, even—but also strangely warmed. After all, how many times can you recall receiving showers of attention? Probably precious few.

For a person going through a difficult period in her life, searching for meaning or value, “love bombing” is like throwing grenades into a tropical stream. The sheer concussive force of intense affection can literally stun her into compliance.

“Love bombing” may sound harmless, even attractive. After all, doesn’t the Bible say that the world will know that we are Christians by our love? Sure it does. But the Bible also says that love must be sincere.

The word “sincere” is from Latin and some scholars believe it comes from the two Latin words, sine “without” and cera “wax,” meaning “without wax.” In Roman markets, certain Roman Jarunscrupulous sellers of pottery might try to sell a clay or marble jar which had fallen off the shelf and gotten cracked. By rubbing wax into the cracks, the seller could make the jar look as good as new and sell it to an unsuspecting buyer. If the buyer tried to heat the jar at home, the wax would melt and the contents of the jar would drain through the cracks. Thus, the term sincere came to mean pure and genuine, “without wax,” if you will. God says that love must be sincere.

But love bombing has nothing to do with genuine love. Instead, it is a manipulative weapon used by cults—a tool as effective as flypaper or concussion grenades to make people stick and stay. Hence the term “bombing.”

In my former church, we were love bombing experts. We would greet a visitor warmly and ply him with questions. After the service, our entire church family—about 60 people—would queue up into a “receiving” line to attend to the visitor. Oftentimes a family in the church would invite the visitor to their home for Sunday dinner. If the visitor was having financial problems, this might be communicated to our pastor. On several occasions, families who visited the church were given substantial financial assistance and even moving assistance. Members of the church offered to help watch a visitor’s children during the week, help with grocery shopping, and spend hours listening to the newcomer’s problems.

If you think such over-the-top attention sounds smothering, then you’ve likely never been lonely or isolated and seeking friendship and a sense of belonging and security.

While folks in my church never called what we did “love bombing,” that was exactly the tactic we used. Once a newcomer was hooked by our affection, the screws tightened and love-bombingthe so-called “difficult truths” that God had supposedly taught us were applied. No more Christmas celebrations. No more designer clothes or jewelry. No more free weekends. No more independent choices about what to do with free time. No more visits with family members. No more personal liberty. No more right to say “no.” No more critical thinking. No more assurance of salvation. And so on.

Recently a young man from Arkansas* talked with me about his experience with love bombing. He shared about how he had almost been sucked into a local cult because of the cult members’ intense attention and affection toward him. “I’m a pretty smart person,” he told me, “but I was in a vulnerable place in my life and was beginning to doubt my salvation. These folks seemed to offer me everything I wanted: love and security. I was so close to joining them.”

It’s true that the world will know that we are Christians by our love. But love should never be used as a manipulative tool to gain recruits. Nor should it be used as a concussive weapon to stun newcomers into compliance. Such tactics are just growth strategies masquerading as love.

When you critically evaluate a new church, always ask yourself, “Are these people genuinely interested in me, or are they trying to ‘hook’ me?” The Spirit of God can help you to tell the difference.

Consider that God never uses love to manipulate us. He may draw us toward himself with cords of human kindness, but he never knocks us out and drags us into a prison cell of “love.”

Jesus Christ is the ultimate example of God’s sincere love. He came into the world in a lowly manger and died on a painful cross. Look at Jesus’ life and notice how often he let people make their own choices about how to respond to him. He never manipulated or “love bombed” them. He never tried to make them do something against their own best interest. He merely loved them to death.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16

That’s sincere love without wax.

How will you respond?

*Identifying info has been changed.

17 Comments

A Believer’s Assurance in Christ

I sometimes struggle with doubts about whether or not I am loved and saved.

Are you shocked? I am, after all, a seminary student.

Yet I doubt.

“God may love others,” I occasionally say to myself, “but God doesn’t love me. I feel too sinful to be saved. I need to try much harder to be sinless. Perhaps I am un-savable.”

I struggle with these thoughts when I have transgressed one of God’s laws, or when I feel particularly sinful (whether or not I have done anything wrong), or in times when I just don’t seem to measure up to the standards of those around me.

Recently I was on a holiday trip with family and I got an epic nose-bleed which resulted in an ER visit. As I lay on the gurney with nose calipers, an icepack, and Afrin up my nostril, I couldn’t help but think that God was punishing me for my sinfulness. It wasn’t true, of course, but I was surprised at how easily the thought came into my mind, like an old acquaintance. Like a rotting corpse of bad theology, resurrected to cause me misery and doubt.

In part this is a product of my legalistic church background where we were constantly taught that everything really did depend on us in order to be saved. Even though we tipped our hats to God’s grace, in reality we acted as if everything rested on our ability to obey. The slightest sin could send us into paroxysms of guilt and self-loathing. Our souls seemed to hang by a thread over the pit of Hell.

But the self-loathing I experienced actually had God as its focus rather than me. While on the surface I thought that I was simply un-savable, what I actually believed in my heart of hearts was that God would not—or could not—save me. That he was either malicious or impotent.

Ouch.

This was an insidious lie which Satan used (and still uses sometimes) to promote anger and resentment toward God, and a sense of fatalism in me. It is worth spending some time on this because I suspect that other Christians struggle with similar distorted thinking about God.

What do I mean when I say, “God doesn’t love me”? Doesn’t the Bible say that “God is love” (1 Jn 4:8)? Which type of love is this complaint talking about?

The Love of God

D.A. Carson’s book The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God shows that there are four different kinds of love which God has for people:

  1. God’s providential love over all that he has made (Gen 1; Matt 5:45)
  2. God’s salvific stance toward his fallen world (Jn 3:16; 1 Jn 2:2; Ezek 33:11)
  3. God’s particular, effective, selecting love toward his elect (Deut 7:7-8; cf. 4:37; 10:14-15; Mal 1:2-3; Eph 1; 5:25)
  4. God’s love is sometimes said to be directed toward his own people in a provisional or conditional way – conditioned, that is, on obedience (Jude 21; Jn 15:9-10; Exod 20:6).

So while my complaint that “God doesn’t love me,” might be countered by recalling that God loves the world which includes every person in it, past, present, and future (Jn 3:16), this is really not the issue implicit in the statement “God loves others but he doesn’t love me.”

My true complaint (and the reason for my doubts) might better be stated explicitly as “God loves other people by choosing and electing them for salvation, but he clearly doesn’t love me because I am a sinful, hurting mess and I feel unsaved or unsavable.”

This is thorny and brings up the whole area of a believer’s assurance in Christ. Is it true that just because I feel “unsavable” that I am unsaved?

Not necessarily.

After all, if what I believe is not true, then what I feel is not real.

For example, I could believe that green elephants are about to crawl into my bed, with resulting feelings of terror. But since green elephants don’t exist, my feelings are not proper responses to reality. Make sense?

So what does the Bible, the source of ultimate Truth, tell us about the assurance that believers have in Jesus Christ, regardless of how we might feel on a given day?

Assurance in Christ

The Bible essentially creates a three-legged stool of assurance, where there are three main “legs” of supporting evidence that help to indicate whether a person is genuinely saved. These are:

  1. God’s promises (Jn 1:12; 3:36; 5:24; 14:1; Acts 10:43; 16:31; Rom 8:1; 10:9; 2 Cor 4:16-18; Heb 10:10, 14, 18-23, 35-36, 39; 11:6; 1 Jn 5:13;  etc.).
  2. The inner witness of the Holy Spirit in a believer’s life (“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” Rom 8:16; cf. also Eph 1:13; 4:30; 2 Cor 1:21; 5:5; 1 Jn 2:20, 27; 5:7-11).
  3. The evidence of spiritual fruit in a person’s life (“We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands” – I Jn 2:3; cf. also Jn 14:15, 21, 23; 15:1-17; Gal 5:22-25; Eph 4:22-24; 5:8-12; Jas 2:14-26; 1 Jn 1:6-7; 2:3-6).

While each of these three areas is an important component of a believer’s assurance, the first “leg” is by far the most important. Why?

Because it is ultimately only the promises of God which act as a final resting place for our assurance.

This is because our inner climate may be full of conflicting voices which drown out the Spirit’s quiet witness (leg #2), and our lives are often conflicted in our struggle against sin (leg #3, cf. Rom 7, for example).

In the final analysis we must “Trust in the Lord and do good” Ps 37:3, whether we feel like it or not, believing that God “exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (Heb 11:6b).

This is faith not in ourselves but in the gracious and merciful character of our wonderful God who has made every provision for our salvation and who did not spare his own Son but joyfully gave him up on our behalf (cf. Is 53:10 – The word translated “will” in the NIV is actually “delight” or “joy” in the Hebrew. It was God’s “delight” to crush his Son in order to accomplish our salvation).

Therefore, our hope and confidence is ultimately grounded in God’s character and in his promises. And we know that God’s promises are certain and unchangeable because God’s character does not change and it is impossible for God to lie (Heb 6:13-20). We have this hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure (Heb 6:19).

While you and I may still muddle around in Romans 7 as we struggle with our sin, we must always remember that Romans 8 follows with its confident assurance in the gracious character of our God:

“What, then, shall we say in response to [these doubts]? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died – more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?… No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom 8:31-35, 37-39).

Put your faith in the character and promises of God, not in your own ability to obey or in your transitory feelings.

If you have believed in Jesus Christ, then you may rest in God’s promises and receive his blessed assurance.

12 Comments

How to Identify Religious Brainwashing: The Dispensing of Existence (Part 8 of 8)

This is the final in an eight-part series on how to identify brainwashing in a destructive group or cult. It is based off of Dr. Robert Jay Lifton’s “Eight-Point Model of Thought Reform” and borrows from several other authorities on the topic of religious mind-control.*

1.) Part One: Milieu Control
2.) Part Two: Mystical Manipulation
3.) Part Three: The Demand for Purity
4.) Part Four: The Cult of Confession
5.) Part Five: The “Sacred Science”
6.) Part Six: Loading the Language
7.) Part Seven: Doctrine Over Person
8.) Part Eight: The Dispensing of Existence

*Stephen Martin’s book, The Heresy of Mind Control, and Margaret Singer’s Cults in Our Midst.

November oaks lined the road, their feet sunk in last night’s rain and cluttered with leaves. The scent of wood smoke curled beneath a pale sky. It was cold.

We circled slowly in my pastor’s blue Buick, talking of the past. This was my old neighborhood in North Yarmouth, Maine. Rural. Isolated. A throw-back to the old days when neighbors knew neighbors and children played unafraid on little-used streets.

I smiled to myself, remembering.

We passed a small subdivision. I saw a middle-aged woman in a red coat walking her dog on the gravel shoulder. Ferris* seemed oblivious. He inched past her on the rural road, talking about God and my life.

The woman watched us as we rolled past. She waved.

Ferris ignored her.

I felt heat creeping beneath my collar.

Ferris continued to talk about God’s plans for me.

I watched the woman in my side-mirror. We barely outpaced her as Ferris cruised along, then he pulled to the side of the road fifty feet in front of her.

I tried to put myself in the woman’s place, alone with my dog on a bleak road, with two strange men in a car pulled to the side of the road in front of me. Kidnappers? Rapists? My face flushed.

Undisturbed, Ferris continued his slow monologue.

From my peripheral vision I saw the woman approach the car.

She waved through the closed window at Ferris. “Are you gentlemen lost?” she said pleasantly, her voice muffled by the glass. “Do you need directions?”

I smiled at her.

Ferris ignored her and continued to talk.

The woman cocked her head, puzzled.

My skin prickled. I felt confused. Surely Ferris could see and hear her, couldn’t he? But he acted as if the woman wasn’t there, as if she didn’t exist.

Ferris threw the car in gear and began to cruise slowly along the road.

The woman stepped back from the car and I could see her in the rearview mirror, still looking puzzled, getting smaller and smaller until we finally drove out of sight, her kindness unanswered.

Her red coat blinked like a berry against the gray oaks.

I heard Ferris telling me how much God loved me.

*Not his real name

Perhaps the saddest aspect of religious brainwashing is what Dr. Robert Lifton calls “The Dispensing of Existence.” Lifton writes:

“The totalist environment draws a sharp line between those who have a right to exist and those who do not. They claim that those outside their group have no right to exist, or at least say that those outside their group are inferior. The group thus has an arrogant and elitist mentality, considering themselves superior rather than having equal rights as other humans. Those who do not conform to their path of existence are targets of rejection or annihilation.”

This concept can be easily seen in history. Crusaders pillaged and burned their way to the Holy Land, then slaughtered entire Muslim populations. Hitler unforgettably used Nietzsche’s concept of the “Superman” to justify his favoring of the Aryan race and persecution of so-called “inferior” races such as Jews, Gypsies, and Poles.

Horrible.

Serbs used this same logic to prosecute “ethnic cleansing” against Muslims in the Balkans during the 1990s. Taliban leaders promoted such thinking in the late 1990s in Afghanistan, and al-Qaeda declared jihad against westerners and “impure” Muslims in the 2000s. 9/11 taught us much about the modern realities of existential elitism.

Terrible.

But these are extreme examples. What does “the dispensing of existence” look like in unhealthy religious groups or cults today? Surely Christians in America would never practice such obvious bigotry.

Or perhaps they would.

Here are three steps that cult leaders use to promote “The Dispensing of Existence” today:

1.)    Exclusive vs. Inclusive.

First, unhealthy religious groups establish an exclusive orientation. They believe that they alone have the truth of God, that they alone interpret the Bible correctly, and that they alone are privy to the secrets of God. Leaders of such groups cultivate an orientation of secrecy, elitism, and superiority. Often, they claim that all other professing Christians are false, deceived, or are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

“But,” you may ask, “doesn’t the Bible say that Jesus is the only way to heaven? Isn’t Christianity exclusive?” The answer is that, yes, Christianity is exclusive in doctrine—the Bible says that Jesus is the only way to be saved (Acts 4:12). But Christians should not be exclusive in practice. Indeed, both Jesus’ disciples and early Jewish believers struggled with understanding God’s heart of inclusivity within the exclusivity of Jesus’ claims.

For example, in Mark 9:38-41, Jesus’ disciples tried to prevent other people from casting out demons since those folks were not part of the Twelve. When they told Jesus this, he corrected their perspective: “’Don’t stop him!’ Jesus said. ‘No one who performs miracles in my name will soon be able to speak evil of me. Anyone who is not against us is for us. If anyone gives you even a cup of water because you belong to the Messiah, I assure you, that person will be rewarded.’”

And in Galatians 2, Paul had to confront Peter because Peter had succumbed to hypocrisy by ostracizing Gentile believers and surrounding himself with Jews only. Paul reminded Peter and those with him that the gospel is for all people, not for exclusive ethnicities, religious clubs, or holy rollers. Both Paul and the Prophet Joel remind God’s people that “…the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved’” (Romans 10:12, 13; Joel 2:32).

2.)    Us vs. Them

The result of exclusivity is an “Us vs. Them” mentality which unhealthy religious groups develop. Such groups spend most of their time denouncing other denominations or churches rather than focusing on the good news of the gospel. They develop a fighting mentality which bristles often, takes offense easily, and delights in cutting other people down. Such practices stem from a fear of contamination by outsiders, a belief in the superiority of the particular group’s doctrine, and an unwillingness to engage intelligently and humbly with other beliefs or practices. Groups like this put up walls against “outsiders.” Talking with them feels like talking to a brick wall.

The Bible condemns this. In Ephesians 2:12-19, Paul writes that prior to Christ there were natural divisions between Jews and Gentiles, but that Christ has torn down such walls of division and has made one new person. Christ has torn down the dividing wall, reconciled warring factions, and made peace in himself. He came and preached peace to those who were far away, and peace to those who were near.

Indeed, the Bible confronts religious people who believe that their own religious group or sect has all of the truth. In Galatians 5:20, Paul explains that it is the natural man—the sinful part of us—that promotes factions, dissension, and strife. Yet unhealthy religious groups take pride in their narrow exclusivity and claim God’s favor.

They are deceived.

The Corinthian church was probably the most carnal of all of Paul’s church plants. They thought that they were wise, but in reality they were foolish. Paul spent much time correcting their errant beliefs and practices. Not incidentally, the Corinthians in their carnality promoted religious factions, exclusivity, and combative behavior which brought the name of Christ into disrepute—just like unhealthy religious groups today.

What does the Bible say about this? Romans 12:3 reminds believers not to think more highly of themselves than they ought to, and in 1 Corinthians 14:36 Paul asks the Corinthians why they thought that they alone had the truth. In 1 Corinthians 1:10-12 Paul appeals to the Corinthians to stop having divisions among themselves and to stop following charismatic personalities. In 1 Corinthians 3:1-4, Paul says that it is the Corinthians’ immaturity and fleshliness which makes them promote division in the Body of Christ.

To all of this, cults respond with the following, and final, point.

3.)    Sub-Speciation, i.e. lack of humanity and value.

Cults agree that the first two points as I have laid them out are bad. They agree that there should not be divisions in the church, and that there should be inclusivity within the Body of Christ. They just define the church very narrowly.

As their own little group.

And while they claim to believe that there are many other Christians around the world—somewhere—and down through history, in practice they act as if they alone have the truth and are the only ones who are saved.

They believe that most professing Christians are in fact deceived and are led by false prophets. They also believe that people who profess the name of Christ but who do not live as their own particular group leader teaches are worse than human: they are sub-human. This allows them to speak horribly about them, reject them, and eventually treat them as non-human.

This is why my pastor could ignore the woman who was talking pleasantly to him and trying to be helpful: in his mind, she wasn’t worth the breath to answer. She was sub-human. A non-being. Ferris just wanted to focus on God and his own acolyte, namely, me.

Unhealthy religious groups brainwash their followers by convincing them that people outside of their group are sub-human. They use passages like Hebrews 6:4-8 to justify this. Hebrews 6 is a warning passage about falling away from the faith. The writer uses strong language to describe people who claim to have faith in Christ but who eventually reject Christ and fall away. The passage is not describing someone losing their salvation; it describes a person who never had genuine faith in the first place. Since it describes such people using a metaphor of “worthless” ground, cult leaders use this passage as justification for treating people outside their group as worthless and sub-human.

Or cult leaders misinterpret Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:6 which describe church discipline. Jesus says that someone who is unrepentant and who will not listen to wise rebukes should be cut off from the church and treated like a “Gentile and tax collector.” Unhealthy religious groups take this to mean that a person should be excommunicated, shunned, ignored, or, in extreme cases, persecuted.

Yet they forget that Jesus treated tax collectors and Gentiles with more respect and consideration than did other first-century Jews (Matt 9:11; Mk 2:16; Lk 5:30); that Jesus came to save sinners and not the (self) righteous (Matt 9:13; Mk 2:17; Lk 5:32); and that in Jesus’ death on the cross he abolished natural barriers and social boundaries (cf. Eph 2). Jesus’ instruction in Matthew 18:6—and the author of Hebrews’ warning in chapter 6—are warnings and calls to wise boundaries, not a license to ostracize, ignore, or treat other people as sub-human.

“The Dispensing of Existence” is a false idea promoted by deceived religious leaders. Don’t let them brainwash you into believing it.

Christ came to save sinners.

That’s all of us.

Related Post: One Who Got Away: Libby Phelps Alvarez, Religious Brainwashing, and the Westboro Baptist Church

1 Comment

Who Writes Your Shattered Life?

“We will only love our story to the degree that we see the glory that seeps through our most significant shattering. To see that glory, we must enter into and read our tragedies with confidence that they will end better than we could ever imagine…. God writes our story not just for our own enlightenment and insight, but to enlighten others and to reveal his own story through our story.” – Dan Allender, To Be Told

10/22/93

Dear Diary,

Today I had bacon and eggs for breakfast. I also ate two pieces of toast with blackberry jam, and drank a glass of orange juice. Last night was Game 5 of the World Series. I watched the Phillies’ Curt Schilling outpitch Juan Guzman and the Blue Jays. Nate wants the Blue Jays to win. I don’t care. It was still dark this morning outside when the school bus came, but the sun was starting to peek through the leaves behind the neighbors’ house. There was frost on the grass. I wore my green and white sweater and jeans.

Before class, I waited in the hallway with Nate and Matt and Nat. They were talking about girls and Nirvana. I put my blue and yellow gym bag in my locker and stood with my back against the wall. M____ walked by and said that my hair looked greasy. But I had just washed it on Wednesday. My face got really red and I realized I had forgotten to put on deodorant. I opened my gym bag and tried to put Old Spice on beneath my sweater without anyone noticing. I accidentally put a line of deodorant on the side of my jeans.

A___ looked really cute today. I hoped I would see her after school during cross country practice. She plays soccer but sometimes our team runs around the soccer field with Mr. Pride and you can see the girls practicing and I hoped that A_____ would notice me but at the same time I hoped that she wouldn’t….

Junior high. Can anyone recall those days without a wince?

I think back to the hormonal cocktail that frothed through the hallways like Mentos in Diet Coke. Girls: the object of my affection. Me: the object of their affliction. And they were bigger than me.

I still remember attempting to control my life by compulsively chronicling my daily activities. I would come home from school, eat an entire king-sized Symphony candy bar (hey, I was a growing boy), and sit on my lumpy bed filling college-ruled pages in my green canvas binder. I’d write until the sun set and an orange glow flamed on the horizon and it got too dark to see the paper without turning on a light. Then I’d plummet into a coma-like nap. Escape.

For me, chronicling my life made it seem less chaotic, less arbitrary. I thought that if I could just write it down, I could be in control.

God’s authority in our lives is related to his authorship of our life.

Unlike my pitiful junior high journal, God really does control my life. He really is the author. All of my days were written in his book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16).

And yet it seems strange that he would allow so many tragedies. What sort of divine authorship is this?

For victims of spiritual abuse, God’s authorship of our lives can present a psychological challenge. After all, he’s the one who allowed us to experience deception and abuse, right? He’s the one who said, “You’ll eat bacon and eggs this morning, yes, and then on Sunday you’ll go to church and your pastor will abuse you in my name.”

It is hard sometimes to reconcile God’s good authorship with the tattered days of my life. It is hard sometimes to see how my shattering is for my good or brings God glory.

And yet that is just what the Bible says: that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28).

Your life may have been filled with tragedy and pain thus far. That’s very sad.

But can you call it what it is—a shattering—and begin to trust that the Author of your life has greater glory in mind? That he has a cosmic story-arc of redemption of which your life is a part? That through your shattered life shines gleams of glory?

Christian psychologist Dan Allender reminds us that God’s authorship is actually co-authorship, because he has given us the ability to choose:

“My life is a play, a drama, and it will have a final line that sums up and completes all that has come before it. I write my own completion in the way I choose to spend my life. We are called to coauthor the ending according to the themes that the primary Author has penned for us. We are called to take up our pen and follow him.”

Trust that God has allowed all of your pain with a greater purpose in mind. Unflinchingly face your story—all of it, both good and bad—and realize that the very tragedy in your life has made your story compelling. That God is gaining great glory as you wrestle your way toward him through the weeds and muck of tragic circumstance. Trust that in the end, whatever man might have meant for evil, God means for good, for the saving of many lives (Genesis 50:20).

God is doing his good things all the time, and someday we will only regret that we did not trust him more.

Who writes your shattered life?

God does.

But so do you.

How will you choose to co-author your story from now on?

I highly recommend Dan Allender’s book, To Be Told. I have included a Word document with some of my favorite quotes from it here. May it serve to whet your appetite.

2 Comments

Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways to Spot It

Sometimes less is more.

Christian writer and blogger Mary DeMuth has a succinct post on ten signs of spiritual abuse. Having experienced spiritual abuse herself, Mary knows what she’s talking about. She notes the following:

  • Spiritually abusive ministries have a distorted view of respect.
  • Spiritually abusive ministries create a culture of fear and shame.
  • Spiritually abusive ministries have a charismatic leader who often starts off well but eventually slips into arrogance, perfectionism, and pride.

For the full list of ten symptoms of spiritual abuse, visit Mary’s website here.